I was sorting through our photos on the laptop the other day, in order to upload them to Snapfish and FINALLY get them printed off (believe me when I say this is a job I’ve been aiming to do since Freddie was born!), when I realised that the above photos were taken almost exactly 3 years ago to the day, and yet I remember taking all of them and that day feels like it was yesterday. 3 YEARS! It was a beautiful October day, I was 3 months pregnant with Sasha, and I took F for a stroll around one of our local parks, an almost daily occurrence. He snoozed, I got my big camera out (something that was a lot rarer back then than it is now!) and snapped away, aiming to become more familiar with my new DSLR and capture the essence of Autumn. After that, we headed back to our then flat, and as it was still a lovely, sunny afternoon, brought the picnic rug out into our communal gardens, and took some more snaps of a newly-sitting up 7 month old Freddie. I remember him being a bit wobbly still, so being careful that he wouldn’t fall on anything sharp (sticks, stones etc). He had 4 tiny teeth and more on the way, and chewed the life out of his Sophie whilst watching inquisitively at all going on around him.
I’m looking back at these photos with great fondness, and happy that I have them to help the memories bubble up again- if I close my eyes I can see that day so clearly, one of the immense joys of photo taking and memory making (and a great reason to blog all those special little moments).
However, it scares me a little (ok, quite a lot), just how quickly those 3 years have gone. I can’t imagine F in another 3 years as a 6 and a half year old, at school and doing things that 6 year olds do, but (god-willing) he will be, and he will be so quickly. Then another 3 years, and aged 9, then 12, then 15, then…. It sounds so silly, but I am so scared of them growing up so fast, reaching secondary school age and rightly gaining and wanting independence from us. I am scared that the next 15 years will go in the blink of an eye, and before I know it my little boy, who likes to slip his tiny hand in mine, will be a man. Heck, I remember 15 years ago and all the mischief I was getting up to so clearly! I am scared because I worry that I won’t have made the most of my two and their childhood, which seems crazy as I have spent the last 3 years with them constantly and often wan,t and thoroughly enjoy, any little breaks I get!
As someone who isn’t a great worrier, these feeling are unsettling and rather alien. Does anyone else feel like this?
I’m not sure why I do. Maybe it’s because, having looked forward to being a Mum for years, I realise that the window for precious family time, playing, days out and holidays as a family unit is relatively short before they don’t want to do things like that anymore, and would rather hang out with their friends. I think maybe parenting older children/teenagers scares me a little (I was quite naughty), and whilst I want them to go forth in the world, and I’m a busy person in my own right with many interests, not ‘just’ a ‘Mum’, I’m still scared of the possible rejection from them as they build a life of their own.
Will I lose them?
Will they not want me around anymore?
Will I be the crazy parent who wants her children still living 2 minutes away from her at all times when they’re 40?!
I know the first 2 are likely possibilities, and at least whilst F & S are younger, moody, hormonal teenagers, and it’s totally normal, but the thought still breaks my heart. Which seems so silly, as I have a great relationship with my own folks, and I certainly haven’t ‘gone’ anywhere!
So why do I worry so…?
Someone please tell me to get a grip. It’s madness that I’m suddenly worrying about this now! Pearls of wisdom would be much appreciated. If you have a teen/adult child, what is your relationship with them like? Do they still like to hang out with you?
Teaming up with Mummy Daddy Me and The Ordinary Moments
I don’t think it’s madness at all, just the natural consequence of realising just how sat the last three years have gone, and I definitely have the same sort of thoughts when I look at a four year old Kitty and wonder when she got so big! I often wonder what our relationship will be like when they’re grown because at the end of the day I’m trying to raise good adults – what was it they say about motherhood being the one job where you’re trying to make yourself redundant?!
Author
That last bit is so true Carie, I hadn’t thought of it like that! I definitely want to raise confident and independent adults, it’s just that the thought of them never being this age again makes me sad 🙁
I worry about this constantly. Obviously I want him to grow up but a part of me wants to keep him as a 2 year old, where his face lights up when he sees me and he throws his arms around my neck for big, sloppy kisses (can’t see him doing this when he’s 15!)
The past few years have gone so quickly, it would be nice if time slowed down a little now! xx
Author
Ditto to all of that! x
Awww this has made me well up a bit *sucks the tears back in* it’s truly terrifying how fast it goes. An app I use called 23 snaps to share pictures with all my family since they are so far away has a little bit on it called time machine where it will show a random old picture and I get these exact feelings that you’ve described!! How could it be *THAT* long ago already!?!
It’s silly really, if we worry that we aren’t making the most of their childhood then we probably actually are making the most out of it!
Lovely post!!! Xx
Author
Thanks lovely xx
Oh Becky, I TOTALLY get this! It honestly seems like yesterday that I was holding a tiny, newborn Eva and now she’s 9! I could weep! I think it’s natural as mums to dread those passing years – the little days are just so precious. A gorgeous post and baby Freddie is so adorable!! Xx
Author
Thanks Em, maybe I should pop out a 3rd?! 😉 xx
I’m terrible at printing out photos so you’re not alone there. If you looked at our albums you’d think me and Andrew had been abducted by aliens for years at a time!
A woman I used to work with had four grown up children and she said that them moving on was nice in a way because then they get to come back to you. Maybe it’s an absence makes the heart grow fonder type of thing? As independent as they will become, they will always come back to their centre (that’s you) when things go wrong.
x
Author
I so hope the latter is the case- I guess I hope they still want me to be a part of their lives as teens/adults, whilst still going to do their own thing! x
You will always be their mum and that is what is important, enjoy each day as it is 🙂
Author
Thanks Pauline, I will 🙂
You’re not being silly at all, every so often I look at my 8yo and I can so clearly see the teenager he will become and it makes me catch my breath. The time goes so fast, but I try to view each new stage and age as being exciting, so although I wish time would slow down a little, I do look forward to seeing what happens next. #TheOrdinaryMoments
Author
That’s so the right way to look at it Sara! I’m very lucky that I have some very wise readers 🙂
I get this completely Becky- I am a born worrier anyway but I worry about these things a lot too. The time seems to just go so quickly, I can’t believe I will have a little one at school next year. That app time hop is amazing but also makes me get so nostalgic and sentimental at the same time. As a parent I think we all get ‘what if’s’ a lot- I worry so much about things out of my control- these little people are our world and the thought of anything taking that away just doesn’t bear thinking about. Those photos are absolutely gorgeous- what a lovely Autumn day and a gorgeous little dude. x
Author
Thanks Katie! That Time Hop app freaks me out! I can’t believe F will be at school next year either, such a big milestone x
Ahhhhhh baby Freddie!!!! This did make me cry too! How is this happening so fast? I swear when we were little the 6 week holidays felt like a lifetime, now when I get my daily time hop picture I can not believe a whole year has passed! What is good is that we have the technology that our parents didn’t so we will always have all these amazing pictures and memories to look back on. My mum has about 4 pictures of me from birth to teenager. What’s good to know is it seems all us mums are worrying bout the same things, I’m looking forward to them starting to earn their own keep though!! X