I was sorting through our photos on the laptop the other day, in order to upload them to Snapfish and FINALLY get them printed off (believe me when I say this is a job I’ve been aiming to do since Freddie was born!), when I realised that the above photos were taken almost exactly 3 years ago to the day, and yet I remember taking all of them and that day feels like it was yesterday. 3 YEARS! It was a beautiful October day, I was 3 months pregnant with Sasha, and I took F for a stroll around one of our local parks, an almost daily occurrence. He snoozed, I got my big camera out (something that was a lot rarer back then than it is now!) and snapped away, aiming to become more familiar with my new DSLR and capture the essence of Autumn. After that, we headed back to our then flat, and as it was still a lovely, sunny afternoon, brought the picnic rug out into our communal gardens, and took some more snaps of a newly-sitting up 7 month old Freddie. I remember him being a bit wobbly still, so being careful that he wouldn’t fall on anything sharp (sticks, stones etc). He had 4 tiny teeth and more on the way, and chewed the life out of his Sophie whilst watching inquisitively at all going on around him.
I’m looking back at these photos with great fondness, and happy that I have them to help the memories bubble up again- if I close my eyes I can see that day so clearly, one of the immense joys of photo taking and memory making (and a great reason to blog all those special little moments).
However, it scares me a little (ok, quite a lot), just how quickly those 3 years have gone. I can’t imagine F in another 3 years as a 6 and a half year old, at school and doing things that 6 year olds do, but (god-willing) he will be, and he will be so quickly. Then another 3 years, and aged 9, then 12, then 15, then…. It sounds so silly, but I am so scared of them growing up so fast, reaching secondary school age and rightly gaining and wanting independence from us. I am scared that the next 15 years will go in the blink of an eye, and before I know it my little boy, who likes to slip his tiny hand in mine, will be a man. Heck, I remember 15 years ago and all the mischief I was getting up to so clearly! I am scared because I worry that I won’t have made the most of my two and their childhood, which seems crazy as I have spent the last 3 years with them constantly and often wan,t and thoroughly enjoy, any little breaks I get!
As someone who isn’t a great worrier, these feeling are unsettling and rather alien. Does anyone else feel like this?
I’m not sure why I do. Maybe it’s because, having looked forward to being a Mum for years, I realise that the window for precious family time, playing, days out and holidays as a family unit is relatively short before they don’t want to do things like that anymore, and would rather hang out with their friends. I think maybe parenting older children/teenagers scares me a little (I was quite naughty), and whilst I want them to go forth in the world, and I’m a busy person in my own right with many interests, not ‘just’ a ‘Mum’, I’m still scared of the possible rejection from them as they build a life of their own.
Will I lose them?
Will they not want me around anymore?
Will I be the crazy parent who wants her children still living 2 minutes away from her at all times when they’re 40?!
I know the first 2 are likely possibilities, and at least whilst F & S are younger, moody, hormonal teenagers, and it’s totally normal, but the thought still breaks my heart. Which seems so silly, as I have a great relationship with my own folks, and I certainly haven’t ‘gone’ anywhere!
So why do I worry so…?
Someone please tell me to get a grip. It’s madness that I’m suddenly worrying about this now! Pearls of wisdom would be much appreciated. If you have a teen/adult child, what is your relationship with them like? Do they still like to hang out with you?
Teaming up with Mummy Daddy Me and The Ordinary Moments