Mixed-sex sibling room sharing

Several years ago we toyed with the idea of the possibility of having a third child, something that after the sheer hard work of having two so close together, I didn’t even consider for a good few years. Once we got rid of nearly all our baby equipment, we of course suddenly got broody again, and decided that it might be an excellent time to think about having another baby *rolls eyes*. We did take the plunge again, and one of the main considerations at the time was the space in our home and how to utilise it properly for housing 3 children. Whilst we were planning on having a loft conversion sometime in the near future, having a 3rd little one would most likely mean that for a period of time, two of the children would have to share a room and essentially live in a shared space for a while. This was always most likely to be Freddie and Sasha as they are the closest in age, and no one wants to be woken by a screaming babe if it can be helped (if only this applied to the parents too!). So mixed gender room sharing is something that could’ve potentially been quite tricky, with each of them having their own distinct gender identity and preferences when it came to how they might like their own room to be.

As someone with much older siblings who were boys, I never had to worry about sharing a room and always had my own room and my own space, and I was lucky that I always had quite a large one, with space to play and to store all my toys. I would be worried about F & S having enough room for everything i.e. wardrobe space, and their different interests, but my main issue is this: How old can mixed-sex siblings be before sharing mixed-gender rooms possibility becomes a bit weird and/or their different ages, interests and tastes become a problem? I’m thinking up until the teen years but be okay, but not much beyond that?, as it then becomes a big deal to have your own room. Of course, it might not be an issue at all, and we were hoping that the loft would be done by the time this point is reached (or we decided to move house) and they could then have their own bedroom, but it’s something to think about.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the children sharing a bedroom or single room as opposite-sex siblings, and have written down some of the pros and cons of mixed-sex siblings sharing a bedroom…

Pros of Mixed-Gender Siblings Sharing a Bedroom

1. Increased Sibling Bond – One huge benefit of having mixed-sex siblings share a room is the opportunity to bond. Living together day-in and day-out increases daily interactions, requires cooperation and develops the ability of siblings to communicate with one another. If done correctly, it has the potential to develop into a longstanding relationship that extends into adulthood and is strengthened by learning to co-exist with another person’s quirky traits. There is also potentially that fun, ‘dorm room’ feel to sharing a bedroom, and being able to chat and hang out with your sibling more than you would if you had your own bedroom. If siblings get on, this can create great memories for them. 

 2. Allows for Maximum Space in Smaller Homes – For some families, space is at a premium (like in this current home), and having mixed-gendered siblings share a room makes good sense. It could allow the family to utilise another room for purposes such as a home office or a playroom. When children share a bedroom, this can therefore allow for the rest of the home to remain less cluttered, making things feel calmer, tidier and more orderly (always most welcome for any busy parent!)

 3.Promotes Cooperation and Compromise –  Room-sharing with your opposite-sex sibling will teach you both important life skills such as compromise, respect and cooperation. You each might have to compromise on bedtime rituals, room decor or other preferences. Learning to live with someone whose habits or tastes are different to your own is a great preparation for getting on with all other sorts of people, now and in the future.

Cons of Mixed-Gender Siblings Sharing a Bedroom

 1 Privacy Needs As They Age – Certainly, privacy concerns arise as children age and, especially, when they reach puberty, boys and girls have quite different needs for privacy, which may not be able to be accommodated in shared rooms. Sibling conflicts (‘he/she won’t give me any privacy’) or tension (‘I need my privacy’) can make each child feel ill at ease with the other’s presence as they don’t have enough room, which is something that you would obviously want to avoid.

 2. Potential for conflict –  Sharing a bedroom can strengthen bonds between siblings, but it can also lead to regular arguments. Children might squabble over how they use their space, or how clean it is supposed to be, or whether they go to bed at the same time. If the siblings are of different genders, their interests and ways of behaving might just be more different from each other to begin with, which can also mean an increased likelihood for disputes. If these aren’t handled carefully, the conflicts can end up dominating the positives of shared sleeping. One of the things that I was most worried about was getting them both to sleep at the same time. Whilst we have a great bedtime routine, and chatting in bunks is sweet, what we definitely don’t want is grouchy, sleep-deprived children due to lack of sleep, although I’m sure the sharing novelty would wear off after a while!

 3. The Difficulty in Creating a Gender-Neutral Space – A further issue with having mixed-gender siblings sharing a room is the difficulty of constructing a space that feels equal and reflects both children’s interests and their preferred gender identity. Boys and girls may have very different tastes in decor, toys or activities, and it can be hard for parents to manage the expectation that a bedroom should cater to both, as opposed to when a child has their own room. Likewise, a child can develop a gradual sense that their interests are being downplayed within a space compared to having separate bedrooms. Over time, either child may feel a little bit resentful or alienated.

When to Make a Change and give your child their own space, and is it a good idea?

Parents should look to transition siblings to have their own space and separate rooms when privacy and personal space (or lack of it) becomes a real concern, most often as they near their teenage years or even before then, when they have started High school or secondary school. Family members should be watching a child’s emotional and physical changes and development, as this will guide the correct time for this, and respecting their individual needs will become increasingly important. When siblings are very young, sharing a room can have great benefits, but as they grow, so must their space.

When looking at styling a mixed-sex siblings bedroom, and in true procrastinating style, I’ve spent time perusing Pinterest and have come across some excellent mixed-gender rooms and room-sharing ideas for siblings, mixed sex or otherwise. 

I love the idea of mid-sleeper bunk beds in a children’s bedroom as depicted in the first and third photos (above). I think these are Ikea, and I love the one that has been painted white! I like white furniture, so I can definitely see myself doing this. Bunk beds obviously are great space-savers and a good idea, and if baby no 3 made an appearance, then Freddie at least should be old enough to go on the top bunk. Maybe we could even have a triple bunk bed in the future (SO good for large families!),  and have all 3 family members in the same room together! In a bigger bedroom than is for sharing, you could also have a room divider to create distinctive zones for each child, and so they can have all their favourite things within their own areas still (I’ll talk more about room dividers further on!). 

Gender-neutral decor also appeals to me as a nice change. Freddie has had some fab vehicle wallpaper (you can see this HERE), and S had quite a girly room ( see HERE), so if they did share it would need to be something that would suit both well, especially as they get older and express their opinions more. I love the look of minimal ‘Scandi style’ rooms, but there is always a small part of me that wonders how much is for the parents and the sake of everything looking ‘cool’, as opposed to what the children really like/want.

Whilst bunk beds are probably the most practical room-sharing option for us, I love the idea of side-by-side beds (like the final photo), with the children talking to each other and giggling until it’s time for lights out. On second thoughts, bunk beds are definitely better for a more peaceful bedtime routine (and everyone loves the top bunk!… 😉)

Designing a shared space for mixed-gender siblings needs to be balanced – one that belongs to both children, that reflects their ages and personalities, but still has neutral elements that suit both genders. One way to make this work is to literally section off the space by creating individual zones with a divider as I mentioned before for each child: adding in their own personal decor, bedding and storage areas. A good approach is to keep the walls neutral – a paint colour that suits both girls and boys – and add pops of colour throughout with bright accessories. By having a shared space for reading, creative play or working at a desk, siblings can have a chance to get together and play, while at the same time knowing that they also have a corner that is completely their own. Have the kids choose even one key element – such as their favourite colour in the art on the wall. You can choose furniture that is versatile, yet works for two children, such as the bunk beds that I’ve mentioned before, or modular storage to maximise use of floor space.

In the end, whether or not a family decides to have mixed-gender siblings share a bedroom is unique to each family’s personality and dynamics. There are pros to doing this including fostering sibling bonds and making the most of the space available, but cons such as privacy concerns and the risk of conflict must be considered equally. As long as parents remain open with their children about boundaries and are able to make adjustments when necessary, children will flourish regardless of their bedroom configuration, and whether or not they have their own bedroom. 

What do you think about boys and girls room sharing when it comes a kids’ room? Did you share a bedroom as a child, or do your children share a room now, or do they have separate bedrooms? Do you think kids need personal space and their own bedroom, or do you think it’s a good life lesson for children to be able to make the best of a shared room? 

See some more of my parenting posts here and interiors posts here

Becky

Meet the award-nominated UK lifestyle blogger behind Spirited Puddle Jumper – a mum of three living in South East London! Becky shares the real ups and downs of family life, parenting tips, and lifestyle inspiration, proving that being a mum doesn’t mean you stop being fun or having other interests! Follow along for honest insights into UK family life and opinions on a whole range of topics, from travel and food, to beauty reviews, home and DIY, business and health and wellness.